Guess what I found while waiting at the doctor's office... a "Go to Heaven Free" card! Even though it doesn't say it word for word, I am pretty sure it means "Get out of hell free, do not go to church, do not tithe away your income just so idiots can build giant wastes of space dedicated to a made up god." So even if I sin, don't go to church, and continue to be agnostic, I can still go to heaven if I am wrong. All I have to do is write my name on this card five times. It's like magic! If you give me $20 I will totally print you one, just don't tell god. Or the RIAA.
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Who knew?
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